They should make fire alarms more touch-sensitive.  Let’s keep people safe!

I hope this day never ends!

Sure!  I’d love to volunteer to run that after-school club!

I can’t believe it’s the Christmas/Summer holidays already!

That school dinner smells amazing!

You need to go to the toilet?  Okay.  We’ll just wait for you to come back.

I have so much free time in the evenings.

I plan to be in school a lot over the summer.

I love that I can leave work, at work.

I love it when it rains, it just means I can spend more time in the classroom with the kids.

Don’t you think our holidays are too long?

I love, love, love writing reports.  Reflecting deeply on each child is super-special.

I wish the government was more involved in what I teach.

I am so over-paid.

I am definitely coming to the Saturday event at school that I won’t get paid for!

I wish OFSTED came more often.  I love proving myself to them.

I sometimes wish I could put MORE detail on my lesson plans.

I don’t put anything extra into an observed lesson.  I like to present my truly authentic teaching.

I really respect the current education minister.

I don’t have anything on my to-do list.

I never file staff meeting hand-outs into the “drawer of shit I’ll never look at again” within minutes of the meeting ending.

I don’t mind being called away from my lunch to deal with a child, because I’m sure it must be a matter of life or death.

The technology in my school is always so reliable!

I do my best teaching on a Friday afternoon.

Please, child, cry louder.

When a child has a temper tantrum, I drop everything to comfort them.

I never, ever use YouTube as a babysitter while I take 3 minutes to gaze blankly into space.

Demanding parents only ever make me raise my game.

I’ve never invented random art activities when I can’t think of anything else to do.

I am always 100% focused in staff meetings.  They are vital parts of my professional development!

Shall we spend another hour discussing that vital thing that must happen, but never actually will?

My working hours are 9 – 5, just like everyone elses.

Lesson planning is FUN!

I always use the “30 copies or more” ancient, temperamental, shit, photocopier when I have a lot to copy.  Rather than the reliable, easy to use, expensive to run machine.  I’ve never, ever body-blocked the total on the screen.

I’ve never done the “shove and run” when putting away shared resources.  How rude!